Homeschooling the Difficult Child, Part 2 – Passive Resisters

So we know how to teach the wigglers, but how do we teach those who can sit quietly, but still spend 3 hours completing 30 minute assignments? (We’ll call those the passive resisters.)

Enter Susan Wise Bauer, author of The Well-Trained Mind. I always assumed Susan had kids who were perfectly content to sit for hours, reciting long lists of historical events and reading the classics. However, I now know that she has 4 very real kids, along with some clever, practical, tricks of the trade for Homeschooling the Real (Distractable, Impatient, Argumentative, Unenthusiastic, Non Book-Loving, Inattentive, Poky, Vague) Child.

In her workshop at the Mid South Convention, Susan shared practical, creative and effective methods of overcoming common challenges we encounter while homeschooling our children. Here are Susan’s tried and true methods for teaching passive resisters:

Start with Yourself

You knew that was coming, didn’t you? However, Susan doesn’t take us on a guilt trip, she gives us a list of questions that can actually relieve guilt:

• Are your expectations realistic? Make sure you have set reasonable goals and expectations based upon your children’s ages, their abilities, and your own abilities.




• To whom (or what) are you comparing yourself? Don’t compare yourself to other families, or to the ideal picture of homeschooling you may have in your head. (Those catalog photos can be so deceiving.)




• Do you have a daily plan? Creating a flexible daily plan will help you keep everyone on task, and it gives your kids a sense of control by letting them know what to expect throughout the day. Here are some tips for creating homeschool schedules.




• Where were you a year ago? As we focus on the challenges that are before us, we can easily forget how much we’ve actually accomplished. Make a list of everything you’ve done over the past year, and celebrate your progress.

Feeling a little bit better? Now, on to fixing your children.

Why is Your Child Resistive?

Susan encourages parents of passive resisters to look beyond the symptoms, and think about why is the child moody, disinterested, argumentative, impatient, inattentive or poky. She suggests we try to connect our children’s behavior to one or more of the following character traits:

Purposeful – Children who are purposeful need to know why they are being asked to do certain tasks or assignments. They may seem argumentative, unenthusiastic, impatient, moody, disinterested, or restless if they feel the work is pointless. Let them know why they are doing what they’re doing, even if the answer is as simple as, “So you can get a high SAT score.” If you can’t give your children reasons for what they are doing, perhaps they shouldn’t have to do it.

Immature – Children who are working above their developmental level may seem argumentative, unenthusiastic, restless, distractable, vague, or non-book-loving. They may show silent forms of frustration, such as tears. This can often occur when using a boxed curricula because your child may work at a higher level in some subjects than he or she does in others. Make sure your child is working at the appropriate level in all subject areas.

Single-Minded – Children who are single-minded may appear to be poky, disinterested, vague, or unenthusiastic. They are obsessed with one subject, or even one topic within a subject, to the exclusion of others. Try feeding the obsession. Give your children books, DVD’s, projects and everything else you can find pertaining to the subject, and let them immerse themselves in it.

Multi-Talented – Multi-talented children may be impatient, moody, non-book-loving, distractable, or restless. They have so much going on in their minds that it is hard for them to focus on just one aspect of one subject for one moment of the day.

Independent Learners – Children who like to work on their own may be argumentative, unenthusiastic, inattentive, or restless. Give independent learners frequent opportunities to work alone and take responsibility for their days. If your children are older, you may even want to begin letting them select their own curricula.

Creative Kids – Creative kids may be argumentative, disorganized, moody, distractable, or vague. These are your artists, poets, musicians, deep thinkers and kids who are just somewhere else.

Think carefully about your children, and see if they fall into any of the character types above. Once you feel you have a good understanding of the problem, experiment with some of the solutions below.

Real Solutions for Real Children

I was relieved to find that Susan did not advise waiting out certain “phases.” Nor did she advise us to entertain our children with elaborate projects and activities that will leave us totally spent, but will make our children “love learning.” She shared real solutions, for real moms and real children.

Remember, as a homeschooler, you have the freedom and flexibility to use methods that are different than those used in public schools. Be willing to think outside of the box, and experiment with one or more of the following:

Nibbled to Death by Ducks – Limit your study of a subject to what you can accomplish in just 15 minutes per day, 5 or 6 days per week. Susan claims you won’t see any progress for 2 months, but will see a complete turn around in even the worst subject areas in three months, given this approach. This tactic is great for kids who are immature in a particular subject area, who are multi-talented and have many things they want to learn, or for kids who are obsessed with other topics and want to focus on their obsessions.

Rewards (aka “Bribery”) – If you can’t get your child to develop a love for grammar, spelling or multiplication, give them a small reward (a snack, a favorite story, candy, art time, outside time, etc.) when they’ve finished an assignment. Also, consider building natural rewards into your school day. At our house, when my children complete their list of assignments, the rest of the day is theirs to do as they please.

Drop the Difficulty Level and Increase Time Spent – When children are working just at or slightly above their maturity level, it can be discouraging and mentally exhausting. Try lowering the level of difficulty and increasing the amount of time spent on the subject. For example, instead of doing algebra for an hour a day, do an hour and a half of 6th grade math. This gives your child extra practice, rebuilds confidence, and provides momentum for future studies.

Parent-Child Contract – Put the problem in writing. Let your children know what you want from them, and let them decide what they would like from you in return. For example, “If you don’t argue with me about your math assignments, I will ________ (sit with you, get you a tutor, let you work alone, let you choose a new math book, etc.). Specify a time frame, and have both parties sign the contract. This is a great tool for older students and independent learners.

3-Way Teaching – Teach the concept using all three modalities – visual, auditory and kinesthetic. Try presenting the same material in a new way, three days in a row. This can really help you get out of a rut when your children are struggling to learn new material.

Timer – Timers are great for poky, creative and distractable children. Simply specify a time limit, set the timer, and ask your child to be finished before the buzzer sounds. Timers can encourage children to stay on task, but they won’t improve a child’s natural speed. Make sure the allotted time periods are realistic for your child.

This simple technique worked wonders in our home. I give my oldest a list of tasks to complete for the day with time limits beside each one (handwriting – 15 minutes, spelling 15 minutes, math – 40 minutes, etc.), and he uses the microwave timer to keep himself on task. He was amazed at what he could accomplish when focused, and now completes all of his assignments before lunch!

Block Scheduling – This is one of those outside of the box ideas that works best with older kids. Focus on one subject for a given time period, such as a day, a week, a month or until it’s done. For example, drop all other subjects until your child finishes his algebra book. Spend an entire month working on writing, or focus on writing on Tuesdays and Thursdays, and grammar on Fridays. Don’t feel obligated to stick with the classroom model of working on every subject every day or even every week. Structure your time in a way that works best for you and your children.

10-Minute Sprint – This is another outside of the box idea that can work well for multi-talented or competitive children. Spread the school subjects around the table, and have your child do as much math as possible for 10 minutes, then move on to grammar for 10 minutes, then spelling, and so on, until all assignments are completed.

Written Checklists – Make a list of subjects, chores and anything else your children need to do for the day, and have them check tasks off as they are completed. Checklists works well for independent and multi-talented children, and can also be great for obsessive children who want to finish their work as quickly as possible so they can get back to their interests. Here are some sample homeschool checklists you can look at for ideas.

Create Your Own Curriculum – Give your children a list of subjects and a catalog, and let them choose their own curriculum. This gives children a sense of ownership over their education, and also removes their right to complain. While this approach is best for older children, younger children can also contribute to decisions about curriculum. “Do you like the math book with colorful pages or the one with black and white text?” “Do you want to create a history notebook or read historical fiction?”

Step Out of Time – Remember, you don’t have to complete school within a certain number of months or years. Take as much time as you need, as long as you are making progress toward your goal. You don’t have to study every subject every year. You can have two years without math, and two years that are focused on math. You can join a co-op, take online courses, or do it all on your own. Take advantage of freedom and flexibility you have as a homeschooler, and design a program that meets your children’s needs.

See Susan Wise Bauer in Person

Susan Wise Bauer doesn’t only have real kids, she has real solutions for the challenges we face when homeschooling our children. While it is a given that she is highly intelligent, I would also describe her as a warm and witty woman who truly has a desire to to help homeschoolers succeed.

If Susan is speaking anywhere near you, don’t pass up the opportunity to see her speak in person. She is scheduled to present this weekend at the South East Homeschool Convention in Greenville, South Carolina, at the Mid West Homeschool Convention in Cincinnati, Ohio on March 31 – April 2, and at the North East Homeschool Convention in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania on June 23-25, 2011.

You can view Susan Wise Bauer’s complete speaking schedule here.

Tagged as: Encouragement, Family, Ideas, Methods, Tips